Still Waiting

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

well, for everything that you said, i just cannot believe it. true friendship doesnt require meeting ups? well. it's the same as bathing without soap. meeting ups is definitely essential, esp when everyone is doing, and that is the point. if no one bothers to meet up and after years we decide to meet up, will it still be as true as ever? anyway, whats the point of a true friend when you being unable to be there when we wished you'll be there?

well. perhaps you're right. if true friendships can withstand no maintenance, let's try k. perhaps in the end we'll just end up with :" perhaps we're not true friends at all. its just too bad", OR, given a choice and to make a choice, we'll end up:"hey. see u tomorrow again!"

sigh. anything. i'm faced with the obvious truth of what friendship is like. should i voice out and tell everyone whats happening? or should i keep quiet and pray? or am i over-reacting? i bet you guys will say:"aiya she's always over-reacting.. small small thing oso wanna take out and comment and worry..." but hey, guess what? if no one worries, we'll just end up in different tracks. with no one to really worry and make an effort, i guess we're just considered hi and bye friends. you know, those friends you wouldn't mind losing.

hey, i'm not someone who takes all my rlss for granted. no matter how much my friends hurt me, i'll still love you all the same. of cos my temper is bad(i admit) and i get cross with ANYBODY easily, but i will still love you all the same once you come back, once my anger is appeased. but sometimes even when i don't say out i lvoe you, i appreciate you or give you a big hug of happiness, i still love you. VERY much. even if you hurt me and i keep quiet, i'll still love you. even if you make me cry, at the end of the day, i still love you. (these applies to good friends lah. not ppl that irks me.) but sometimes i feel, the things i've try to do for you guys, the effort i try to put in.. is always not appreciated. i dunno why, its just the way i feel at times! maybe i think too much. maybe im just the typical auntie and kiasu and think too much and too emotional hai ling that you all always think of in ur heart...but to me, true friendships just doesn't seem to work this way.. sighs.

i don't know how to feel. unlike gabriel and me, no matter how much we quarrel and fight, we both know that we still love, still appreciate, still cherish and still thankful for each other at the end of the day. but with my friends, i don't get their assurance. do they love me? are they thankful for me? are they gg to keep our friendship going? will they have other best friends in future? am i still going to be their bestest friend in future? will they cherish me? or do they think i'm a nuisance?

the future is too much for me to bear. too many things to worry about, but once again, being active is better than passive.

seeing my friends being so passive about this friendship is definitely killing me. maybe i should just hide my tears, be passive since no one is bothering themselves over it. i'm so hurt.

g6, ask yourself. how many times have we gone out as a whole g6 since A lvls ended?

zero. you can count using my fingers. they are more than enough already.

-when are you coming back? ;